Act of Valor "is" for Our Boys

OK, perhaps not the movie itself.  I took my 7th grader who was capable of emotionally handling the portrayal of real world violence, whereas, we chose to not allow our 5th grader to view it… just yet. 

What “is” for our boys, is a message that is contained within the movie.  It is one that every boy should hear, practice and hopefully graft it into his nature (Of course he’s gonna’ need a lot of help from parents, coaches and mentors).

In this movie, a Navy SEAL writes a letter to the unborn son of a fellow and unfortunately fallen comrade.  In it he says,

“No one is stronger or more dangerous than one who can harness his emotions -- his past.  Use it as fuel, as ammunition as ink to write the most important letter of your life."  This Navy SEAL, this great modern day warrior, believed that the ability to subordinate one’s emotions to the mastery of his mind and the direction of his ethical compass is one of, if not the most important ingredient in a man’s character.

Unfortunately, the pop culture that seduces our boys daily, at times sounds similar, but is actually a destructive distortion of this SEAL’s viewpoint:

1.       “React emotionally with anger or frustration because it lets others know to back off, that one is tough and must be reckoned with… never, never give in to humiliation.”

2.        “React emotionally, with anger or frustration as your feelings direct you…  your feelings are your compass to what is right.”

And then, in part as a reaction to this adolescent pop culture, most parents shy away from encouraging their boys, especially their young ones, to be “dangerous”.  Our politically correct society threatens to corral our parents into teaching their boys virtues that instruct them:

1.       “You should learn to express your emotions, as long as they do not hurt or offend another, in order to be true to yourself in the moment.” 

2.       “Don’t ever assert your strength to physically influence or to even persuade another, especially when it is motivated by emotions.”

This SEAL, however, implies that being “strong and dangerous” is, in fact, a virtue.  I would wholeheartedly agree.  This SEAL swims strongly against the current of today’s societal messaging.  In fact, he has the temerity to imply that a man has “right manly character” when he:

1.       Is NOT subject to “who he is in the moment”, rather he chooses to display or not to display his emotions based upon the potential good that can come from them.

2.       Leverages his emotions at the right time to exponentially increase his assertiveness, his effectiveness, his resolve, his strength, dare I say his ability to be “dangerous” to those who would oppose him, his family or the weak for nefarious purpose.

Please understand, I am not talking about hiding emotions in the context of a loving family or in the arena of authentic friendship.  But, even here, fear, frustration and anger must be kept under control, must be “harnessed” effectively.  This type of emotional mastery is not the sole result of intellectual decision.  Rather, it is the product of consistent practice of mind, body, emotion and ethic working together time after time until a habit is formed – until character is developed.

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King masterfully harnessed their emotions and used them “as fuel, as ammunition” as they lived out their most critical moments.  When young MLK Jr. was thrust into the face of the bus boycotts in Montgomery Alabama in the 50’s, he was taken to the emotional brink with threats, both implied and attempted, on his life and the lives of his family.  He did not, however, submit to his fear, frustration, anger or humiliation.  He used these emotions to stand firmly in defiance of those who wished to break the civil rights movement - by breaking him.  He said,

''I'm not afraid of anybody this morning. Tell Montgomery they can keep shooting and I'm going to stand up to them; tell Montgomery they can keep bombing and I'm going to stand up to them. If I had to die tomorrow morning I would die happy because I've been to the mountaintop and I've seen the promised land and it's going to be here in Montgomery.''

MLK did not cower in the face of intimidation, nor give in to the powerlessness of frustration or inhumane humiliation.  While on the other hand, he did not act “out of emotion” and take violent action or incite it, both of which would have significantly harmed his cause.  Having trained himself through a life of practice, he harnessed his emotions and became “dangerous” against the cause of bigotry and discrimination by standing firmly, yet peacefully, with this world changing movement.

Every time our boys take to an athletic field or court, they are assaulted by a steady stream of stimuli that provoke an outpouring of their natural emotions.  They might:

·         Yell at a teammate who makes a critical mistake

·         Talk back to a referee who makes a “bad call” from their viewpoint

·         Abandon their team role in order to “make up for” a mistake that they just made or to “save face”

·         Give in to the bigger, stronger or better opponent before giving 100%

·         Argue with a teammate or a coach in the heat of battle

·         Throw in the towel when the pain of effort and the almost hopelessness of the score begin to overwhelm them

These emotional catalysts are good!  Every boy will be confronted by the opportunity to “fight against” this natural flow of emotions thousands of times per year, if he plays competitive sports.  Sometimes, his right course will be to “harness his emotions”, while other times he will need to focus them, use them “as fuel, as ammunition” in order to stand in defiance of every signal coming from the other players, the crowd, their own bodies – their emotions.  It is precisely in these thousands of critical moments that the Washingtons, Lincolns and Kings of tomorrow will be made or will be squandered.  Will your son or your players use these moments to develop into men of “danger” who expertly “harness emotion” in order to win the most critical moments of their lives? 

Always remember, how your boy chooses to play every possession, every down or every pitch will be the way he will fight the greatest battles of his life.

Links to other articles about challenging our son's and sometimes parents to develop emotionally competent warriors in sports and in life:

3 Golden Rules of Sideline Parenting
Ron Artest - A Great Example for Your Young Athlete

Misty May - 3 Golds - A Model of Athletic Virtue