Yesterday, I attended my 8 year old son’s soccer game. During the game, I witnessed something that turned my stomach, yet I guarantee happens hundreds, if not thousands of times every weekend on the sidelines of youth sports.
One of the boys, who I will call Billy, was assigned his short stint as the goal keeper. He had probably never played that position before. But even more so, most kids up through age 10 or 11, are not confident of the quickness of their reactions, so they play “afraid of the ball”. In addition, they don’t have a good sense of their position relative to the attacker in front of them and the goal behind them. I really don’t need to describe much else, other than to say that for an 8 year old, this is very, very NORMAL.
During one sequence in the game, the other team found themselves in a chaotic attack. Our defenders were chasing the ball, getting a foot on it, but then losing contact. The best player on the opposing team beat the defenders. Billy, losing all sense of where he was on the field (remember this is NORMAL at this age) made a valiant attempt at charging the attacker. The player with the ball slipped right, as Billy was almost completely to the left of the goal, and walked the ball into the net. I hope I said this already, this type of goal keeper play is very, very NORMAL for an 8 year old. In fact, the fearlessness and exuberance with which Billy pursued the attacker, as well as the skill of the child with the ball were well deserving of encouragement from this crowd of parents.
However, from a truck outside the fence came a disgustingly biting voice accompanied by a tense arm that was pointing aggressively, “Billy, stay in that spot, don’t come out of there!” If the words don’t sound that bad, just know that every parent on the sideline heard something that sounded more like this, “Billy you are a complete idiot. You have embarrassed me to the point that I am violently upset and cannot control myself. You better figure this thing out and figure it out fast, cause I’m mad and you know what I do to when I’m mad…” And every parent filled in the blank based upon their childhood experiences. My stomach turned.
From that moment on, Billy remained stuck between the two goal posts, afraid of not just the opposing teams attack, but of the judgment of his dad. He would look back to that truck multiple times in the course of one “close-in” engagement, his fearlessness and exuberance gone. Think about that, an 8 year old, worried about the judgment of his father when he should be enthused by the moments of the game. He should be encouraged to take risks in order to experience new gains. He should be lifted up by a parental sideline motivated by grace. And, he should be instructed in a positive manner by his COACH.
It is easy to feel sorry for Billy and to write this off as a parent going a little too far, but I think it is a symptom of something much more insidious and demands the response of good sports parents and coaches. Parents and coaches must resolve to be good role models from the sidelines during every game and every practice. They must create a culture that both instructs the other parents (through example), but also makes it extremely uncomfortable for the “Billy’s-dad-types” to act outside the norm. And, in times like these, they must resolve to address the issue, whenever and however it surfaces.
Billy is in the process of learning how to address adversity and how to react to someone else who does something that upsets him. Moreover, Billy is in the process of learning how to parent and coach. In addition, he is determining if he wants to continue with the otherwise healthy and life-skill-building practice of athletics, exercise and competition.
Remember, how your son or daughter plays on the “fields of friendly strife” will be how they will fight the greatest battles of their lives. And at this very young age, the fertile field on which they play must be guarded fiercely by those who know and care about whether or not the Billie’s of the world will be equipped to eventually fight these greatest battles of their lives.
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