3 Golden Rules of "Sideline" Parenting

Parents care about their kids… this is real good. 

Parent’s concern for the welfare of their kids is often fueled by emotion… this too is good. 

Parent’s unrestrained emotional concern for their sons or daughters from the sidelines, can be bad, real bad. 

The future temperament of our children is drafted by our expectations and molded by our consistent modeling of it.  This point was made emphatically apparent, albeit from a negative perspective, during a U14 soccer game I recently attended in which my friend’s son competed.  Here's what happened:

His son’s team, the “blue” team, stole the ball from the “white” team on a very aggressive and rough play.  The parents of the white team were outraged and immediately began yelling things like,

·         “What, he got mauled!”

·         “Blow the whistle Ref, before someone gets killed!”

·         ”C’mon, call it both ways!” 

·         “Are you blind ref?”

Many of the white team’s players reacted as their parents did.  They turned to the official, hands in the air, looks of disbelief on their faces, and yelled at him.  The blue team, on the other hand realizing the whistle didn’t blow, quickly passed the ball to the sideline, moved it up the field and threatened to score; and still, many of the white team’s players remained enslaved to their emotions, continuing to focus on the referee, oblivious to the blue team’s attack. 

The parents of the white team, noticing that their son’s had lost focus on the ongoing game began to scream,

·         “Boys go after the ball, he didn’t blow the whistle!” 

·         “The game’s in play, get back on defense!”

·         “Hey, hey, watch out boys, go after the ball!” 

Ultimately (within 10 seconds of the “steal”), as often happens in soccer, the referee blew the whistle and called the penalty. 

Fortunately for the white team, they were not stung by this emotionally driven lapse… this time. Nonetheless, this team’s (parents and players) unrestrained emotional behavior and the dysfunctional consequence of it were palpable.  This example is the essence of what has become a counter-productive “parental fan culture”.  It is destructive and it threatens the potential for our boy’s to experience victory in sport and in life.  

As parents, we ought to understand that we are neither “part of the game” nor are we “just spectators”.  I offer what I call the 3 Golden Rules of Sideline Parenting:    

1. We should offer only positive encouragement, period. 
2. We should let the game come to the players and not try to “coach them” from the sidelines.  This is the coach’s job alone.
3. We should not try to influence nor openly evaluate the performance of the officials or the players on the other team.  There is never a good time to speak directly to an opposing player or openly about his play in a negative way.  This is solely the job of the officials and the coaches.

Ireland’s National Rugby coach, Declan Kidney, demonstrated the right balance of emotional control to which we parents should aspire.  In March of 2011, his team lost to Wales.  The officials allowed a clearly illegal Welsh play to stand that led to the winning score.  Right after the game, Kidney was asked about the play. 

He said that although he felt extremely frustrated (emotionally fueled) he was not going to fulminate (he would choose to demonstrate control) at a time when so many in the world were suffering from the consequences of natural disasters (Tsunami in Japan). 

As frustration threatened to reduce him to a petty complainer on the international stage, he had developed the emotional maturity to thwart it.  In doing so, he drew attention to the dire needs and sufferings of others as opposed to “emotionally venting” which would have benefited no one.  Declan Kidney demonstrated the power of restraint, the power of individual will and the power of words wisely chosen.

It is important to remind ourselves, that as we take to the sidelines of every game, we are neither “part of the game”, nor are we “just spectators”.  And, that while we are encouraging our sons, we are also setting expectations and modeling behaviors for the next generation of Declan Kidneys.  Someday, we will watch proudly, as our son’s assert their impact on the world as men by exercising their power over their emotions, their control over their wills and their mastery over their words... or we will witness grown adolescents, still slaves to the vicissitudes of their emotions, squander their potentials for a life of victory. 

Parents who realize that winning games and raising men are not mutually exclusive endeavors will spend their time “on the sidelines” managing every word that does AND does not come out or their mouths… to do this is good, real good!

Remember, how your boy plays on the “fields of friendly strife” will be how he fights the greatest battles of his life.

Two great related resources

1.       This coach teaches high school basketball players to “Play Present”, teaching boys that worrying about things that they do not control keeps them from playing at their best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWNRgSp9cqk

2.       Justin Verlander’s dad speaks about the importance of parents encouraging character development along side of skill development.  In an article titled, “7 Things Every Sports Dad Can Learn From Richard Verlander”, 3 of the 7 are these:

·         Control is key: In pitching and in life

·         Character is equally important

·         Don’t put unnecessary pressure on your son to succeed

http://www.sportsdadhub.com/2012/06/12/7-things-every-sports-dad-can-learn-from-richard-verlander/

Ron Artest - A Great Example for Your Young Athlete

We should endeavor to teach our boys the character of a man.  Professional athletes often give us great examples for this instruction.  Yesterday, Ron Artest provided one such “gem”.  If you haven't seen the video (in which he elbowed James Harden in the head) take a look at it and then read on.

Artest Elbows Harden Video

You might consider using this with your 10 to 18 year old like this.  Show him the clip and then ask him what he thinks about it.  What is important to teach is that this elbow was:

1.      Not incidental

2.      Not during the struggle of a rebound or a play

3.      Intended to make contact with Harden

4.      Wound up to deliver a significant impact

Boys do not naturally develop an understanding of how to be both “tough” and restrained within the same game.  Likewise, they often do not know how to be both “tough” and restrained in the course of life.  The character of “toughness” and restraint in sports should be taught just like the virtues of courage and emotional restraint (temperance) were taught to Greek Warriors 2,500 years ago.  These men were tough by any measure; just ask the Romans, Egyptians and Persians.  But they also valued temperance, prudence and justice.  This stands in great contrast to Ron Artest who demonstrated that he lacks the tools of a man of character.  And, unlike the Greek Warrior, he operates from a dangerous, unpredictable core that is hard to differentiate from a child. 

Artest is a great athlete who has done well for himself despite being suspended 13 times, at least 3 of which were egregious, vicious responses to circumstances where a man of developed courage and restraint would have responded significantly differently.  I say this because although an opinion might be that Artest has been successful despite his lack of operative virtue, the reality is that he has squandered his potential as an athlete, teammate, role model and even earning power because he never developed the male characteristics that sustain families, communities and civilizations… and yes, winning teams.

Raising Boys of Classical Courage

I'm not saying that an athlete should be tentative, I profess the exact opposite.  Were Artest to have elbowed Harden in the course of a rebound while clearing his rightful space, I would commend him.  In the same way, I would argue disdain for the young man who uses his strength to beat up someone to prove his “toughness”, while I would commend a young man who uses his strength to viciously defend a woman, a child or an elderly man from the wrong use of strength of another man.  The man of courage can be both viciously dangerous and restrained in pressure situations because he has trained himself to distinguish the right application of both.

Take the time to teach this virtue to your young athletes.  Don’t allow them to argue with referees, coaches and other players.  Do not allow them to extend contact past the play, but encourage them to play with absolute, “dangerous”, fearless and right physical contact from “whistle to whistle”.

Remember, how your boy plays on the “fields of friendly strife” will be how he fights the greatest battles of his life.

Raising Boys of Classical Courage

A boy imagines himself locked in courageous battle with an evil foe.  He feints right, dives left, jumps up and thrusts his sword at this invisible enemy.  There is nothing more authentically “boy” than this.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t understand that this kind of courage is present in men who develop it over many years.  He doesn't know that it is a hard fought virtue.  He is also oblivious to courage’s contemporary counterfeit impostors that woo him with a deadly, siren like call.  Most boys are attracted to the strength, the audacity and the respect afforded to the timeless image of the “bully”.  And more recently, pop culture sells him the virtue of the modern “gangsta”.  I’m not saying that most boys want to actually become bullies or gangsters, only that the image of being on top of the pecking order, to never fear another, to be recognized as a tough guy appeals to their adolescence like red meat is desired by a hungry lion. 

And we, as parents, coaches and mentors often confront our boys as if we can convince the "lion" to simply ignore the red meat, “just turn away and be a good boy” we implore!  Despite the ominous nature of this task, it is more important than ever that we replace contemporary culture’s distortion of courage with its classical ancestor.  This is the true and timeless courage that guided the characters of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr. and countless other great men of virtuous distinction.  

I believe that with the right plan, the right context and the right consistency we can inspire our boys to desire this classical courage once again.  Thomas Jefferson said, “One man with courage is a majority.”  This may be the “better feast” that draws his developing, yet "lion" heart away from the red meat and towards the courage that builds healthy families, communities and civilizations.  We must introduce and encourage our sons, our players our students to become “one man majorities”, who know great restraint and fearless assertiveness while mastering the appropriate application of both. 

George Washington was a “one man majority”, a man of classical courage. 

Developing Courage in “Practice”

At the age of 16, he spent cold winters surveying the wilderness for months where the French, Native Americans, and nefarious bandits posed great threat to vulnerable British colonists.  In doing so, he practiced courage as a teenager where the variables were unpredictable and the stakes were extremely high.

Refining Courage in “Games”

On behalf of the British Crown, at the age of 21, Washington led a small detachment of men through the unforgiving Ohio Valley winter.  He negotiated Native escorts who at the end of his journey nearly killed him.  He engaged adversarial French Generals twice his age.  And then down to himself and his trusted companion, he fell into the icy Allegheny River while attempting to escape across it on a makeshift raft.  Washington practiced courage in the harsh elements, the frozen river and in the cross hairs of many dangerous men.  The variables were unpredictable and the stakes were even higher.

Applying Classical Courage in the Greatest Battles of His Life

It was no surprise that in his mid forties as the Leader of the Continental Army, General Washington led his troops across a partially frozen Delaware River, daring the elements in order to launch an audacious surprise attack against the British.  And as we know, despite the infinite variables of war when the stakes were highest, he did so successfully.  George Washington practiced courage in his youth and was therefore unsurprisingly courageous as a General when a nation depended on his right application of great restraint and fearless leadership.



"On the fields of friendly strife are
sown the seeds that upon other fields, on
other days, will bear tne fruits of victory."

 Your son or player bears within him this possibility of courageous greatness.  Sure, the fate of our nation may not rely upon him like Washington, but many will rely upon his courage or suffer in the absence of it.  He must be redirected from the allure of pop culture and be challenged to practice real courage, classical courage, the courage of Washington, Lincoln and King Jr.  This can be done on the McArthian “fields of friendly strife”.  But it takes a thoughtful practice plan, deliberate game encouragement and timely connections with real life application. Sports uniquely present an infinite number of “pressure cooker” situations within a demanding environment that cannot be predicted, controlled nor completely mastered – the variables are unpredictable and the stakes are often high!

In the weeks to come, I will offer a strategy designed to inspire and encourage your boys to practice classical courage.  Because, I believe that every young athlete has voluntarily entered classical courage’s arena and is waiting for his coach, his parent, his teacher to arrive.  I believe that in this arena, we can raise up a generation of lion hearts who have the restraint to turn from the red meat of “bully-hood” and “gangsta-life” in order to fiercely, dare I say courageously devour those things that would otherwise hurt families, destroy communities and corrupt civilizations.  I believe that your son, your player, your student is one good parent, coach or teacher away from becoming a “one man majority” who will one day courageously change his world for the better.

  Remember, how your boy plays on the “fields of friendly strife” will be how he fights the greatest battles of his life.

Act of Valor "is" for Our Boys

OK, perhaps not the movie itself.  I took my 7th grader who was capable of emotionally handling the portrayal of real world violence, whereas, we chose to not allow our 5th grader to view it… just yet. 

What “is” for our boys, is a message that is contained within the movie.  It is one that every boy should hear, practice and hopefully graft it into his nature (Of course he’s gonna’ need a lot of help from parents, coaches and mentors).

In this movie, a Navy SEAL writes a letter to the unborn son of a fellow and unfortunately fallen comrade.  In it he says,

“No one is stronger or more dangerous than one who can harness his emotions -- his past.  Use it as fuel, as ammunition as ink to write the most important letter of your life."  This Navy SEAL, this great modern day warrior, believed that the ability to subordinate one’s emotions to the mastery of his mind and the direction of his ethical compass is one of, if not the most important ingredient in a man’s character.

Unfortunately, the pop culture that seduces our boys daily, at times sounds similar, but is actually a destructive distortion of this SEAL’s viewpoint:

1.       “React emotionally with anger or frustration because it lets others know to back off, that one is tough and must be reckoned with… never, never give in to humiliation.”

2.        “React emotionally, with anger or frustration as your feelings direct you…  your feelings are your compass to what is right.”

And then, in part as a reaction to this adolescent pop culture, most parents shy away from encouraging their boys, especially their young ones, to be “dangerous”.  Our politically correct society threatens to corral our parents into teaching their boys virtues that instruct them:

1.       “You should learn to express your emotions, as long as they do not hurt or offend another, in order to be true to yourself in the moment.” 

2.       “Don’t ever assert your strength to physically influence or to even persuade another, especially when it is motivated by emotions.”

This SEAL, however, implies that being “strong and dangerous” is, in fact, a virtue.  I would wholeheartedly agree.  This SEAL swims strongly against the current of today’s societal messaging.  In fact, he has the temerity to imply that a man has “right manly character” when he:

1.       Is NOT subject to “who he is in the moment”, rather he chooses to display or not to display his emotions based upon the potential good that can come from them.

2.       Leverages his emotions at the right time to exponentially increase his assertiveness, his effectiveness, his resolve, his strength, dare I say his ability to be “dangerous” to those who would oppose him, his family or the weak for nefarious purpose.

Please understand, I am not talking about hiding emotions in the context of a loving family or in the arena of authentic friendship.  But, even here, fear, frustration and anger must be kept under control, must be “harnessed” effectively.  This type of emotional mastery is not the sole result of intellectual decision.  Rather, it is the product of consistent practice of mind, body, emotion and ethic working together time after time until a habit is formed – until character is developed.

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King masterfully harnessed their emotions and used them “as fuel, as ammunition” as they lived out their most critical moments.  When young MLK Jr. was thrust into the face of the bus boycotts in Montgomery Alabama in the 50’s, he was taken to the emotional brink with threats, both implied and attempted, on his life and the lives of his family.  He did not, however, submit to his fear, frustration, anger or humiliation.  He used these emotions to stand firmly in defiance of those who wished to break the civil rights movement - by breaking him.  He said,

''I'm not afraid of anybody this morning. Tell Montgomery they can keep shooting and I'm going to stand up to them; tell Montgomery they can keep bombing and I'm going to stand up to them. If I had to die tomorrow morning I would die happy because I've been to the mountaintop and I've seen the promised land and it's going to be here in Montgomery.''

MLK did not cower in the face of intimidation, nor give in to the powerlessness of frustration or inhumane humiliation.  While on the other hand, he did not act “out of emotion” and take violent action or incite it, both of which would have significantly harmed his cause.  Having trained himself through a life of practice, he harnessed his emotions and became “dangerous” against the cause of bigotry and discrimination by standing firmly, yet peacefully, with this world changing movement.

Every time our boys take to an athletic field or court, they are assaulted by a steady stream of stimuli that provoke an outpouring of their natural emotions.  They might:

·         Yell at a teammate who makes a critical mistake

·         Talk back to a referee who makes a “bad call” from their viewpoint

·         Abandon their team role in order to “make up for” a mistake that they just made or to “save face”

·         Give in to the bigger, stronger or better opponent before giving 100%

·         Argue with a teammate or a coach in the heat of battle

·         Throw in the towel when the pain of effort and the almost hopelessness of the score begin to overwhelm them

These emotional catalysts are good!  Every boy will be confronted by the opportunity to “fight against” this natural flow of emotions thousands of times per year, if he plays competitive sports.  Sometimes, his right course will be to “harness his emotions”, while other times he will need to focus them, use them “as fuel, as ammunition” in order to stand in defiance of every signal coming from the other players, the crowd, their own bodies – their emotions.  It is precisely in these thousands of critical moments that the Washingtons, Lincolns and Kings of tomorrow will be made or will be squandered.  Will your son or your players use these moments to develop into men of “danger” who expertly “harness emotion” in order to win the most critical moments of their lives? 

Always remember, how your boy chooses to play every possession, every down or every pitch will be the way he will fight the greatest battles of his life.

Links to other articles about challenging our son's and sometimes parents to develop emotionally competent warriors in sports and in life:

3 Golden Rules of Sideline Parenting
Ron Artest - A Great Example for Your Young Athlete

Misty May - 3 Golds - A Model of Athletic Virtue

Coaching Boys to WIN in Life

If you are coaching to WIN games, you can stop reading, there is nothing here for you.  But, if you are coaching to teach boys how to win the great battles of their lives, then read on…

The Problem

Let me state the obvious, our boys don’t want to learn how to live life successfully, they simply want to learn how to WIN games.  Left to their own devices most of our boys would play sports, while learning very little about life.  This seems somewhat contrary to the popular view of the value of sports.  It is often said that learning to WIN and practicing hard helps a boy negotiate life successfully.  It is also said that playing sports teaches boys sportsmanship or how to win and lose with grace.  And so, we hand our boys off to coaches who really, really want to WIN games and we convince ourselves that some good is happening in the midst of it all.  But I ask you to take one look at the NBA and ask yourself, does committing a life to sports necessarily teach boys anything about negotiating life successfully?  Does it teach them sportsmanship? 

The Opportunity

Our boys need parents and coaches who understand that:

1.      The skills necessary to WIN games are not necessarily the skills that will help our boys negotiate life’s greatest challenges successfully

2.      The skills necessary to negotiate life’s greatest challenges successfully are the exact skills that will help any boy WIN more games.

As an example, learning to dribble, shoot and defend well will not help a young man to stick with a young family when the going gets really, really rough.  But, teaching a boy the virtue of courage (by motivating him to practice it every minute on the floor) and how it will help him defend more tenaciously, shoot more confidently and handle the ball with more authority will.  And, although he will believe that he is only honing a skill to WIN more games, he is actually practicing a skill that may help him dig deeper when he, let's say, has a toddler, a new born, a wife recovering from a C-Section and a demanding boss who doesn’t care about any of these. 

Yes, I believe that we can teach some of life’s most important skills to boys who simply want to WIN games.  They will sign up to be the most astute students of the game, while we will teach them as the most astute students of life.

Something to Think About

I coach a fifth grade basketball team, and I am certain none of these boys know that I desire to teach them about life.  At the same time these boys are model students because they believe I am teaching them what they need to be better basketball players.  I, of course, believe that I am teaching ten astute students both. 

There are, I’m sure, and infinite number of good approaches to this.  The key is to have the courage and commitment to take at least one of them.  Here is an example of what we do before practice 1 time per week.  We meet for no more than 5 minutes and talk about a historical or contemporary man who did or said something that sheds light on what it takes to be a successful man (but, we discuss, what it takes to be a WINning ball player).  And then I ask them to come to the next practice prepared to tell me who the person is and “what they said” has to do with them and basketball.  For no more than 2-3 minutes, we talk about this man and his message.  

This is just one example of a single practice “Something to Think About” starter.

The next practice we talk about the idea that "every task on the floor is important".  Only one person will score the winning shot or get to take the ball up the floor under pressure, but every job on the floor is equally important.  Setting good picks, playing good defense off of the ball, boxing out etc. are all equally important.  And, when you are in the spotlight, a great competitor gives credit to everyone on his team, not seeking attention for his own contribution (Concern for others and humility).

After a couple of weeks, a life skill and subsequently a basketball skill is brought to conclusion:

Before a game, I will reintroduce this page with some notes at the bottom that asks each player to think about how how they perform the tasks we have been practicing.  I challenge them to look at this page after the game and evaluate for themselves how they:

o   Boxed out

o   Played help defense

o   Ran the offense

o   Took good shots

o   Etc.

I would ask any coach to consider what he is teaching his players and how it relates to successful life skills.  With a little planning, we can teach our boys how to WIN the greatest battles awaiting them in their future while at the same time teaching them how to WIN the next game.

Inspiring a Boy to Practice and Acquire Character Through Sports

 This generation, more than any other, is a visual one.  Many will form their ideal views of what it means to be a hero or what it means to act with courageous character from the movies, video games or professional sports.  Sometimes this is good; there are occasionally depictions of good men who demonstrate courageous character.  But more times than not, these images lack clarity and often reinforce distorted images of courage and virtuous character.  If we leave this image to be constructed within the hearts and minds of our boys to the actor or the athlete, we will lose this generation and those to come.

We have many great opportunities to encourage the actions and behaviors of our sons, when they practice courage, good judgment, emotional control and concern for others in the course of playing sports.  Here is an example of what I would call a “Courageous Character Challenge Visual”. 



Add pictures of your son or player at the bottom, in the act
of practicing courageous character

 

This one, I put together for one of my sons who is beginning to consider the idea that being a strong and courageous man is not something he will wake up one day and “just be”.  As Vince Lombardi said directly about “winning” he more subtly implies that the development of courageous character, is “not a sometime thing”.  To determine to grow into a man of strength and courage, a boy must make practicing things that require strength and courage a regular thing, an “all time thing”.  This means that in the halls of school, on the playgrounds and in social settings and hundreds of times per practice and in games, he is given the opportunity to choose courage over cowardice and complacency.  Each time he chooses to act courageously, he reorients ever so slightly his nature from one of self-preservation that sticks to the path of least resistance to one of courageous character.

One typical challenge for coaches and parents is to ignite the imagination of their boys.  The typical youth athlete is extremely motivated to improve upon skills in the areas that provide immediate gratification.  In basketball, it is shooting and dribbling, for soccer it is scoring and handling the ball, in football it is running the ball, passing and catching.  Many of these young athletes do so in order to win, to dominate their opponents or to simply “look cool”.  And yet, what can be most important for our boys is to learn that practicing not just the “glory” things, but the little things “perfectly”, “all the time” (again as extolled by Lombardi) is what  changes the character of a boy into a productive man, a man of courageous character.  These “little things” might be practicing every drill hard no matter how tired one gets and after others have thrown in the towel; or it might be taking a charge for the team; it may be practicing a pick to perfection so that in the big game it effectively gets another open for the “glory shot”.  None of this comes from chasing perfection during a game, it becomes a reality only when one walks it, jogs it, and executes it at game speed hundreds of times in practice, sometimes failing and sometimes succeeding, so that the moment when everything rides on executing it, practice has birthed an instinctive reaction that “just does” and does so “perfectly”.

How a boy acts and plays during practice and in games shapes his character for life.  Challenge him and teach him the virtue of “perfect practice” in all things.

Corageous Leaders Made on the Courts and Fields of Vancouver, WA

As a boy, Austin Luher played three competitive sports through high school.  As a man, he led men and women on the battlefield in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Stories like this one, which I stumbled across in my local newspaper, have been told hundreds of thousands of times since at least the Greek Empire.  Unfortunately, when in the hands of the media or pop culture, they often go untold, or they do not highlight the critical point.  And that point is, the way a boy chooses to practice and compete in sports determines how he will fight the greatest battles that await him in his future. 

General Douglas MacArthur said, “On the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that on other days and other fields will bear the fruits of victory.”  Unfortunately, an alarming number of parents, coaches, athletic directors and mentors focus solely on sports skill development and winning, while allowing our youth to to go unchallenged in the area of courageous character development.  What’s most upsetting is that, as MacArthur says, the athletic field or court is precisely the place that we should be encouraging, challenging and demanding our sons to practice courageous character.

This is why I was delighted to see such a positive example trumpeted in my local sports section (The Columbian Newspaper, 12/28/11 – Great Job Paul Valencia - http://www.columbian.com/news/2011/dec/28/luhers-career-as-soldier-started-as-prep-athlete/).  The article sounded so MacArthur-ish from the beginning:
“There is a direct correlation between the things that need to happen for a team to win a match and for a military unit to accomplish a mission.  Determine the goal, motivate, train, execute.”

Luher’s experience and leadership character that was developed on “the fields of friendly strife” was credited as critical to his success on the battlefield.   In the article, Luher was quoted as saying, “Our job is to follow orders and execute orders and make sure we bring home everybody safe… For Luher, that meant he had to focus on his specific part of the effort. Yes, to perform as a team. When he played basketball for Evergreen, he was an all-league point guard. A distributor, if you will, the assist man. He did not have to score all the points to help his team win.”

“Running a supply convoy, how am I really affecting the bigger picture?” Luher asked himself. “I’m pushing supplies to the infantry guys. They’re able to sustain in the middle of nowhere. My supplies allow them to function out there, get intelligence, and in return, they’re able to take out bad guys. It’s very encouraging to know we helped. I’m very proud of the units I’ve been a part of and our efforts.”

This is just a small snapshot of the article, but you cannot read it without recognizing that parents, coaches and mentors invested heavily in the development of Luher’s character while on the competitive field and practice grounds.  They did not teach him the popular view of sports, “to win at all costs (individually), to dominate your opponent and to look good while doing it”.  Rather, Luher was taught that critcal to any team’s success is the dedication to a role, the commitment to the success of his team must exceed his desire for personal success or glory.  He was taught well (by learning it in the context and even “battle” of competitive sports) that there are no individuals, that each must sacrifice to make the team better, more effective.

We should continue to salute young men and women like Captain Austin Luher, and his parents, coaches, teachers and mentors.  I am certain that there were a critical few who determined to not just let young Austin develop his athletic skills, but equally challenged him to desire, practice and develop courageous character that ultimately enabled him to lead others in accomplishing life and death missions.  And of course it goes without saying that we should be much more deliberate in the way we encourage, challenge and coach our boys, because they will fight their greatest battles tomorrow the way they practice in sports today.